Sunday, January 12, 2014

How to Deal with Friends and Drama

Hi lovelies!
So I really want to start doing a few advice posts this month so that we can all start 2014 on a great foot! This post is going to be on how to deal with friends and drama, and I have dealt with this a lot this past week and I feel very equipped to give some advice! Keep in mind, this is all just my opinion and it might not be the best advice, but it works for me! So let's get started!

So let's start off on my background... 
I am a very extroverted person. I feel the need to share everything about my life and everything that I know with literally everyone. I don't have very many secrets and that could be because I am an open book, but more likely, it can be because I am bad at keeping secrets. Most of my friends are very good secret keepers and if someone tells me a secret, I'll usually tell like one person. It may sound like I am a horrible person, and I have been called that, but the thing is that if I know a secret, I like to talk about it with someone. Also, me and a couple of my guy friends tell each other literally every little secret, so it's not a big deal that I share stuff like that with them. 

Let's get to my problem...

A guy that I don't know at all started talking to me and he wanted to tell me a secret. When people don't know me, I really do like to be up front and honest, so I told him I usually tell my friends everything and that I honestly don't think that I can keep what you tell me a secret. He told me anyways and it was about how he asked out one of my friends over the summer and she rejected him. I had no clue, and I told another of my friends because we are friends with the girl he asked out and I thought that we would have known because we're all friends. Well, apparently he didn't like that, and now, supposedly hates me and is mad at my friend (the one he asked out). 

So how do you deal with friends and drama?
1) See the Situation Realistically
I think that especially in High School and Middle School, every little thing seems like the end of the world. And I, personally, hate it when people make big deals out of nothing! Like the guy who told me the secret knew I was going to tell my friend and I gave him fair warning, but with that being said, this is just the stupidest drama. It doesn't matter, really, at all and it'll blow over in a week or so. Just assess the situation and see if it really is something that needs to be addressed or if you can ignore it!
2) Never Point Fingers
When you point fingers, you make the situation 10000X worse. I never, ever blame someone for a problem or drama because it makes it really hard to make up with that person when you call them out. I think it's fine to have a conversation about the drama or problem, but never blame someone because it never works out well. 
3) Hang Out with Other Friends
I know that some people have set "groups" of friends and that its' harder if you have a group, but if at all possible, try to spend time with other people just so you're not obsessing or talking about the drama 24/7. 
4) Forget About It
This is probably the weirdest of the tips, but it totally works. By not acknowledging the drama or problem, you show that you are above it and that you've moved on. If the other person or other people bring it up, it makes you look like the bigger person because you're already past it. I do realize that some things are so big that it's very difficult to move past, but spending time on hobbies or with other friends can help you move past what's happened. 
5) Asses Your Friendships
This is another hard tip, but it is also very true. You should assess your friendships because if drama happens often, and it upsets you, it could be because of the people you hang around. I'm not going to say stop hanging around your friends or anything, but just knowing who and what causes drama helps a lot. 

So this was an insanely long post, but I hope that it was a little bit helpful! I know that dealing with friends and drama is very hard, but it's something that you outgrow after high school and you only have to endure for a little while. If you have any suggestions for other advice type posts, let me know in the comments!
-Sisi

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